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First Confession
Algebra
The year they showed us the movie The Day After,
About surviving a nuclear war, all my expectations
About the future vaporized.
At the junior high I went to on an airbase
In Tokyo they were nice to me
And let me gently slip through the cracks.
I remember the light coming through the windows
Of the school and the sound of airplanes.
One day there was an earthquake and the kid who
Sat next to me in Algebra had a seizure. All I could do
Was stand there pointing at him with one hand, the
Other covering my mouth while the teacher tried
To put his wallet between the kid's teeth. I felt like
I had been let in on a secret everyone else was kept
In the dark about. When I confessed to another
Student that I was afraid of the end of the world,
He bought me a heavy codeine
Syrup from a chemist downtown and I got lost
In the mountains until I graduated. Later, when I
Drove off in my father's car there was a light
Coming from the fields, the rows and rows
Of tea bushes, it brushed at the mist in the lower
Places until the whole world just shined.
At school I learned that an equation
Is when everything on both sides of the equal sign
Balances. After a while I stopped
Crying about the things I couldn't change.
After a while the fatigue in my heart lifted
So that airplanes didn't sound like
Bombers anymore. Now they speak to me
About their love for light, and when I hear them
I nod, knowing that theirs is a doomed romance.
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